It's been another long gap on here because I've been pouring my thoughts into my next
round of artwork for a new show in LA in October, and some new songs I’m preparing for a
special performance coming up in Paris. Deadlines are motivating, but they can
also be stressful. I don’t mind working
a lot. I’m used to that. It’s not the hours. It’s knowing that I need inspired
ideas to pull it off. Where will they come from? And how can I create the space for them to happen and still get all the associated work done? This is where I feel the pressure. And this is where
trust comes into play.
I decided to use it as the topic of both shows. This idea of
trust. Not so much trusting another person (although it applies here too. I
don’t think we can truly trust someone else unless we trust ourselves at some
level), but trusting that “the idea” will come. Trusting that things will work
out. Trusting that little voice in my head that says “fix this bit over here,”
or “perfect. Move on.” I grew up not listening to that voice. I’d listen to
everyone else. Do you think it’s ok? If you do, then so do I. I defined myself
by it, and I defined my success by it. It’s an idea I worked on for years, but
the decision to change it was overnight. Some things really can be simple.
As an experiment, I stopped complaining recently. I stopped
trying to troubleshoot situations. I stopped trying to give advice, especially
when it wasn’t asked for. I realized how many of my conversations with friends,
family and strangers centered around finding solutions to what was wrong. Wrong
in the world. Wrong in a given situation. I’ve never seen myself as a
“negative” person, but I didn’t realize how much evergy I was spending
overcoming obstacles. Or helping someone else to do it.
What if it’s all fine? Not that I don’t look for solutions
as I need them. I’m currently trying to figure out how to make 6 foot floor
lamps with heads and bodies and ship them to Paris for my show. A solution I
haven’t found yet and have about 3 more days to do it. But that’s far more
interesting to me than wrestling with how I feel about my work situation or
worrying if the money is going to run out.
Now I feel boring. It’s totally hilarious. Conversations are
shorter and I don’t have a whole lot to say. But I’m getting more done. And I’m
happier. Whatever gets done for these shows gets done. Then I’ll go to the next thing.
I’m grateful for the opportunities I have and the beautiful
people I have in my life (this includes you if you’re reading this). Thank you for all the kind notes about my
health. I continue to improve and think about it as little as possible.
Here’s a painting I did for my current show in LA at Slash Salon. They're having an opening reception this Monday the 10th. Please come and hang
out. The night is free. Details here.
