JESUS BROKE MY CAMERA

Jesus broke my camera! I took 3 pictures of this church and my it hasn't been able to focus since. Maybe one was enough, but I wanted to get it just right. I was marveling at whoever designed this entryway. They obviously knew that at a certain time of year, at a certain time of day, the sun would be perfectly behind Jesus' head. Artists are everywhere. Always.

That's pretty much how my whole vacation went. Wandering the streets of Europe. There's something about traveling by myself that is exciting and always lands me right in the flow of things. Everything works out. I find the places I need to see. Even mistakes or mishaps wind up being a blessing of some kind after the fact. In the past, I would come home from trips and all of that vision would disappear into my daily life of drudgery and struggle. This time I decided not to let that happen. So I'm really making an effort to see how maybe that same energy can be applied to my Los Angeles life. It's made a huge difference.

That stagnant plateau I had found myself on has dissolved under my feet and my life is moving again. I finally got introduced to a mixer that is getting the sound I've been hearing in my head. More on him later, but I'm excited. The album is about finished. I have a new perspective. I didn't listen to any of my stuff for 3 weeks while I was gone. I got home, gave a listen and it sounds good. Really good. I also came home with new ideas for some other creative endeavors that will tie into this album. I've started on those too.

Of all the places I saw on my trip, I'd say Paris and Madrid were my favorites. The european way of life is comfortable to me in a way that I've never experienced in America even though I'm from here...It was weird to feel more at home in a place I'd never seen, than the place I've spent my whole life in...but incredible. I've always felt like an outsider here. But not there.

Madrid isn't a place to visit. It's a place to bask in. And I'll be returning there as soon as that logistical door opens. I was fortunate to be introduced to someone there who was able to give me an amazing introduction to the city. I'm looking forward to going back and reconnecting. I have some work to finish here first. Then I'll put my crap in storage, pack a bag and go. And I guess I'll have to buy a new camera on the way :)

My days are full right now, and I feel good. I'm creating things I didn't think I could ever create. Doors are opening that I thought might never open. I think the most amazing thing is that I'm really seeing how consciously changing my mind, is physically changing the life around me.

Happy Xmasholidayseasonthingywhateveryoudo-or-dont-do. I hope 2009 is an incredible year for you! It's really a new beginning for the whole planet, and I'm pretty damn excited about it.

va·ca·tion [vey-key-shuhn, vuh-] –noun
1. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday: Schoolchildren are on vacation now.
2. a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities of law courts, legislatures, etc., are suspended.
3. freedom or release from duty, business, or activity.
4. an act or instance of vacating.
–verb (used without object)
5. to take or have a vacation: to vacation in the Caribbean.

What a concept. When I get quiet it usually means I'm working day and night. And that certainly is a valid description of my last couple of months. The good news is my album, video and tv show are all coming out great. New doors are opening. Down side....I'm fried. Time for a break. Nonstop work with no balance makes Robbie a dull boy....so I'm off on adventure for the next few weeks to fill the well. I'm sure I'll have some good stories to share when I return. HAPPY OCTOBER!

So I'm back on an airplane, eating animal crackers I bought at the airport. This is fast becoming a new routine. When did they start selling them at Hudson News? I LOVE animal crackers. Just feeling that soft white string of a handle between my fingers warms me up inside. The only thing that's really changed, is nowadays there are like 40 different animals in there. Half of them are unrecognizable. You have to be an anthropologist to figure them out. The first 3 I pulled today seemed to be an ox of some kind with a serious rib problem. What could have happened? Did he get into scuffle at the Nabisco plant with the koala I just swallowed? There used to be just lions, tigers, gorillas, bears and rhinoceros. The basics. Now we've got 3 different monkeys, a sheep and an ox.

Everything changes. That's a cliched simple truth of life. And thank God it does. But what is it about a red box with circus animals on it, a waxy protective pouch inside and a string handle that makes me feel like everything is in its right place and going to be ok? That's a powerful cookie. Or a good childhood memory. There's just not enough of them. Either one.

How did these crackers get in the airport? I wish I was in that marketing meeting....they're talking about what junk foods to put in these stores and someone mentions the Barnum cookies. They all look at each other and go, "BRILLIANT!!!" It's definitely new. I would remember this. I fly a lot and haven't seen them until recently.

The orange juice cart just came by. It's like preschool in the sky. I've got my OJ and cookies. Nap time to follow at 0900. Fortunately for me, noticeably absent from today's class is the crippling fear and lack of social skills that plagued my first preschool experience. Being an adult has its perks.

They did a pretty cool cover story about some of the stuff we've been doing in Florida for the Gulf Coast Times...
http://www.gulfcoasttimes.net/

The 4th of July. An American classic. I like holidays. I was trained to like holidays. I didn't have to go to school. I got the day off. My friends all wanted to hang out. Holidays bum some people out. I think they're great. I don't like to get overly upset about the raping of each of their meaning. It's true. The meaning is pretty much gone. It's about fireworks and bbq's for most people now. But if it's just an excuse for people to relax and be together, I think there's still something good about that.

I took the day off, but couldn't bring myself to accept any of the invitations to the bbq's, etc. Lovely invites from beautiful minds, but I just didn't have it in me. Guess I'm tired from the album mixing and felt like keeping the day to myself. Sometimes that's the best thing we can do. I took a holiday from the holiday. Wound up going to see Hancock. I love movies alone. Today I thought I'd be the only one in there by myself, but I was wrong. I walked in 5 minutes before the movie started...it's the 4th, mind you....huge movie...and there's like 25 people in there, half sitting alone. I suddenly realized I wasn't alone at all. I had found my people. My brethren for the day! I love my life.

I'm also one of the fortunate souls to be living in a place where they light the city fireworks from our backyard. They literally pull the barge up in the water next to my building and light'em off. People come from all over. We get rained on by the ashes and our necks get sore from looking straight up. I'm still trying to get ash out of my left eye.

I usually like to name each of the fireworks as they're being shot off. "The Dangling Sperm", "Poppies From Mars", or "Shannonball".....but being that I was unaccompanied, and had no obligation to have a conversation, or even share my oohs and aaahhs, I decided to enhance the experience with my favorite Michael Nyman selections from the Gattaca soundtrack. If you ever find yourself with the opportunity to listen to that album during a fireworks show, I highly recommend it. And if you can time it to be listening to "The Arrival" during the finale, it just might bring a tear to your eye.

And if you live in London and think this holiday is ridiculous, I agree. It's totally ridiculous. I would suggest lighting some fireworks for no particular reason, however, and listen to that album. It'll still be spectacular. Guaranteed. Hope you had a great one.

Happy Holidays!

I have a problem. Every time I go to Home Depot I wind up buying some weird crap for an art project. It's like I think it's Michael's Toys and Hobby shop in there. Most of the ideas don't work. Half the time I don't even end up finishing or doing it at all. So I wind up with cabinets full of copper piping I never made that frame out of, or spray paint I was going to put that cool design on my nightstand with. Tonight I went in for 2 light bulbs and a fuse. Came out with a bag full of plastic signs. "For Rent", "Sorry We're Closed", "Exit", etc. The idea? A collage. I know. Sounds lame...and I'm sure it will be. I don't even know what it means, but I think it's going in my bathroom. I was in a crap mood. What can I say? I guess if tonight freedom looks like 20 signs and some fishing wire, I'm in.

Album note....I was in Florida last week filming part of the live DVD that will accompany the "No Apologies" cd and Jack's new tv show. Here's a pic from the set. I think it's gonna be great. HD is amazing!

I'm on a plane right now headed back to Fort Myers. I'm going to be interviewed on the pilot of Jack's new TV show this weekend. I'm excited. It should be fun. I'll tell you more about it as I get a better idea of what it's going to be like. I think the interview and performance will be on the companion DVD to the upcoming "No Apologies" cd.

I knew I had to get up early this morning, so last night I went for a mellow dinner at a local deli in Venice. I miss Venice. I wandered around for a few minutes on the way back to my car. It's changed a lot since I moved there years ago, but it's still an interesting place. I live a mile or so south of Venice now. Amazing how different neighborhoods can be so close to each other. It's quiet and beautiful where I live, but the slice of humanity that haunts it's corners aren't near as interesting to me. I remember walking these streets depressed years ago when I was going through a hard time. "She" left and the rest of my world had come unraveled simultaneously. It was touch and go for awhile, but It eventually turned out to be a huge positive turning point in my life. Sometimes it's easier to let go when you have nothing to lose.

Today, my dreams are alive and in tact. Resurrected from the dead. Yet forever altered somehow. I'm not propelled by the same wants and needs and I have a sense that I'm doing what I was born to do. It feels good......grounded, real, and really good.

This flight is great. All my senses are on high alert. Surrounded by seniors and families all headed to Florida so we can sweat together in the heat and humidity. Kind of makes me feel closer to everyone somehow. The 2 year old in the next row is dressed like he's retired and waiting for his social security check so he can buy a new putter for his golf bag. I can't bring myself to read or listen to music. It's far too fascinating to simply look around and listen.

The guy in front of me just gave one of his kids a chocolate milk chug. Like, yo...milk chug....that's funny to me. Even chocolate milk is now made to be exciting and "edgy". Do we really want to feel cool that bad? So many brands and companies these days. New packaging, more marketing.....same chocolate milk. But maybe this is all to be embraced. These families with 12 screaming babies are all going to need jobs. And in a way, it works. I like the milk chug bottle. I want some. Maybe it'll make my day better. It's easy to be nostalgic about how things were...."simpler back then". But it's always been that way. It was always more simple before. We have billions of more people on this planet now. And was my childhood really that good? I was miserable and terrified most of the time. So for today, I'm gonna wrap my skinny arms around the chaos and enjoy some fancy milk.

Back in LA and working away....a video update on what we've been up to.

I killed a snake last week. Didn't want to, but due to some of the markings it was possibly poisonous and there were kids and a dog around, etc. Felt like I had to do my duty as MAN. The Protector. Not really a role I've found myself in often in this life. Left me with a strange sensation afterward. It's interesting how much I limit my perception of myself only to be surprised later when circumstances demand a new response or behavior.

We promptly went to the Neiman Marcus outlet afterward as was the original plan for the day so I could buy some new jeans. I felt like Chazz the Barbarian....or Conan the Metrosexual.

I'm really enjoying my time back in Los Angeles. LA gets a bad rap sometimes. It can be pretty great here.

We shot more footage for the No Apologies video in Sarasota the other day. It was great. Jack wore a sombrero and washed dishes in one part. Tomorrow we're shooting the final scene. I don't want to give it away, but it's gonna be classic. I feel like we've been shooting it for so long, it's gonna be weird to have it finished. Pretty ambitious concept, but hopefully it'll be worth it.

I also spent one day at ft. myers beach just hanging out people watching. What a trip. I love watching people on vacation. Sort of at their best, having a good time. We should all take more vacations....and drink lots of caramel malts! There was one point I was looking out at the water and it was like a traffic jam. This is a strange place.

So I've decided to start this little blog. What to write? What does one write as a first entry? So much pressure. It's like going to a New Years Eve party. Somehow whenever I go to one of those I feel this incessant need to do something memorable. And usually it winds up being exactly NOT that. What the hell did I do last New Years? I can't even remember. And I'm not a drinker which means I was stone cold sober. Must have been great, right?

I've been in bed most of the past week or so. Being sick away from home isn't exactly my favorite thing, but it's been alright. It gave me some alone time. I did roll out of bed to film in a factory last Friday for part of the "No Apologies" video. I coughed up some nice phlegm in between takes. Two more days of shooting and we should be in editing mode. It's coming out great. I'm excited to get it done. And I finished the lyrics for a song called "Better Off In The End" which I think will be the last song on the cd. The opening verse goes:

When I look back, the day I die
I don't want to swim in regrets
Abandonded dreams and blaming scenes
Stuck wishing I could forget

I had this picture in my mind of how sad that would be to be sitting on a porch when that time comes, like it will for all of us, looking back on my life, wanting to forget it. And the way to avoid that situation is by changing the choices I'm making now.

Florida is an interesting place. I did find this beautiful spot near where I'm staying nestled amongst the complex web of strip malls that makes up Ft. Myers. Looks like I'll be here another 2 weeks or so on this round. I tend to be a bit of a wanderer and staying in one place too long makes me antsy. It'll feel good to have some new scenery.