SILENCE

So my doctor put me on 5 days' silence. Evidently I have an infection in my throat. He gave me some antibiotics, a pad and pen, and said "see you Tuesday". Nice. Today is day 2 of my oath of abstinence from the spoken word. 

Yesterday I did manage to mutter a few though...."1 lb of espresso forte please. Ground for a cone".....then a "yes" when asked if I wanted a complimentary cup of the brew for the day, which was actually more of a gesture than an actual word. And a quick "thank you" as I walked out. I had no coffee left in the morning and didn't want to use the pad for fresh beans. Just seemed like too much of a pain in the ass for such a quick exchange.

What's interesting to me is how quiet it seems here. Somehow the idea that I can't speak makes even my alone time seem more silent. Outside of the 10 minute coffee run, I didn't leave my place yesterday. Maybe I spend more time on the phone than I thought. It's amazing what bubbles up sitting by myself without it. Just me, my thoughts and this space. 

There's the productivity. The creativity. Without distractions, I was able to focus and work on 2 album cover ideas. I'm going to make a few and pick the one I like the best. Too much pressure for perfection if I only do one. I also came up with a couple ideas for another project I'm working on. More about that later. 

There's the "me" time. I watched a movie. Finished one of the 6 books on my nightstand I'm in the middle of, and started a new one that just came in the mail....

And then there's the stuff. All that I distract myself from addressing on a daily basis. The things I don't want to see, that I'm not particularly proud of. Those nuggets in my psyche that cause me fear and stress but live under the radar. I was greeted by a couple of those last night. Somehow the process never ends. But I know from experience now that I've got to look at that crap and learn what needs to be learned. There is always a deeper freedom on the other side. 

I have a sense that today will most likely bring more of the same. Some people say there are no accidents. I used to implicitly believe that. And in the end, I suppose I still do. But I see it from a different angle now. Some choices we make in our own best interest, and some we don't. But they are both our choices. No one else's. I believe the conscious universe helps us learn from either.