I can't believe it's been this long since my last post. Amazing...I find myself in the now familiar position of experiencing so much in the span of such a short time, it's impossible to keep up with my writing. The more I open myself up to my new life, the more it's opening itself to me.
Returning to Los Angeles has been difficult. I'm traveling still which helps (recent adventures include a 10 day Buddhist meditation course and a songwriter event in Colorado), but it's distracting for me here...and I miss Europe...the people, the way of life....the beauty. Not that LA isn't beautiful. It is. But it's not what my soul is calling for right now. I want quiet. I want nature. I want new experiences. I want to create more. So I've decided not to stay. I'm not sure where I'm going yet, but that's not a new concept for me. It'll reveal itself. I'll go on a couple pilgrimages and check it out.
Having had the experiences of the past 5 months has left me altered. I'm still me, but different. I'm not comfortable in my old clothes. I'm not comfortable in my old car. I'm not comfortable in my old city. It's weird, but I've learned to listen to these feelings and roll with them. Trust them. Let the old skin fall away. It's been fun shopping for new clothes. I go into these stores with absolutely no idea what I want. Literally. I wait for something to appeal to me and then I try it on. The sales person always asks "can I help you find something?"
"I don't know what I like anymore. Any suggestions?"
When I do find something, some of it works, and some is ridiculous. The boots I like. The new hat, yes. That scarfy thing at the Levi's store?....not so much. And that electric blue button down shirt was hilarious. It looked good in my mind...what can I say? At least I had the sense not to purchase it. Wish I could say that about that leather vest I bought in the 90's. It sat in my closet abandoned for years. I never took the tag off, but couldn't bring myself to donate it to the Indian Guides.
To say that I'm living in a new headspace is an understatement of apocolyptic proportions, but I can say this. As challenging as what I'm doing is for me, I've never felt so free, both emotionally and physically, calm, creative and content with my life.