I couldn’t sleep last
night. I had too much on my mind. I flipped through the guide channel to find
something mindless to watch, noticing that most of my favorite late night shows
were still on holiday. I happened to see “Groundhog Day” in the listings. I
love that movie, and haven’t watched it for a long time so I figured I’d put it
on for a few minutes.
The brilliance of this
movie still blows me away. For some cosmic reason Bill Murray wakes up in the
same day every day. Most of us have felt this way at some point. Days can
sometimes look frighteningly similar. It’s a clever concept, but it’s the
emotional arc he travels through in this movie that is genius and real to me.
He wants the girl. He
tries to manipulate her. He learns everything about her to please her and win
her over. He does all the “right” things. It almost works but he blows it. He’s
not genuine and she winds up seeing through the act.
He then realizes he
can’t “make it happen” and there is no way out. He loses it. He stops caring
all together because it’s useless. He even tries to kill himself. Many times.
Still doesn’t work. He finally surrenders to his situation and gets honest with
himself and everyone. He becomes more humble through the tragedy of his
experiences. You think this is the end, but it’s not. He has a nice day with
her, but it still doesn’t set him
free.
With all other options
exhausted, he decides to make the most of it. He takes piano lessons. Learns to
sculpt ice. He tries to make everybody’s day better. She’s intrigued and
finally falls for him. A new him. And he’s free. It’s a new day.
I’ve gone through all of
this in my life at various times in various ways. I want what I want. Whether
it’s the girl, the money, the fame, whatever. Things don’t go my way. I get
frustrated. I try to stick it out, but still nothing happens. I then give up
and stop caring because it all seems useless.
A mentor of mine once said that when we make a decision to change
something in our lives, the universe tests our resolve. I don’t know if it’s
true, but it seems like it sometimes. And if it is true, then my resolve was tested this year.
I won’t miss 2011. I was a tough year. It’s
hard to keep my sights set on the things I want when I’m exhausted at the end
of the day. 2012 will be interesting. I’m determined to make changes. I’m proud
of some of the things I’ve done, but I know my life isn’t being lived exactly
right. And I need to change that. I tried to do the “right” things. Didn’t
work. I gave up. That didn’t work either. It’s time now for me to make the most
of it.
I wish you a “most of it” 2012 J
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