HOPE IS EVERYTHING

I think hope is everything. 

We don’t have to be successful. We don’t have to achieve our goals. We don’t have to find the one true love of our lives. We just have to have hope that tomorrow can be as good or better than today. That's all it takes to keep going.

Suicide touched my life twice yesterday. I woke up to not only the news that Don Cornelius from “Soul Train” shot himself, but  a good friend of mine had taken his own life as well. I watched “Soul Train” when I was a kid, but bombs feel bigger when they land close to home. 

My friend lived in Chicago. I met him on tour in the 90’s. We knew each other for more than twenty years. After losing touch for awhile, we reconnected via the internet. We emailed regulalry. He would come to LA on business once a year and we would have dinner. I looked forward to it every year. We vacationed in Florida together a few years ago with another close friend. I introduced him to the pecan pie at House of Pies in East Hollywood. If he’d lived closer to House of Pies maybe things could’ve been different. Not just for the pie, but he would’ve been further away from his situation at home. 

I've wanted to die during 2 periods of my life. I considered suicide seriously during one of those times (if you’re concerned, it was a long time ago :) The circumstances are different for everyone. For me, my dreams came crashing down after I felt so close to achieving them, and then the love of my life left. I thought I had nothing. I was broke. She was gone. It turned out to be one of the most profound and incredible periods of my life. The only real reason I didn’t follow through with it was because I figured, while it could make me feel better (or not at all which would still be better), I also had this concern, what if it didn’t? What if there is more, and it doesn’t fix it? If I wind up some miserable disembodied spirit floating around I’d be pissed. I didn’t want to be the ghost on a reality show. That would be worse. 

So I told God to go to hell. I wrote miserable songs about feeling miserable. I was a cliche. I felt like I had nothing to lose and it set me free. I started talking to people I used to be too shy to talk to. Girls responded to my new headspace and I got dates. I started singing. All because I just didn’t care anymore. Then I realized I’d been caring about the wrong things. It wasn't God, the Universe or even bad luck. I was too concerned about what you thought, and what I thought was “right.” None of which really mattered. In adjusting myself to who I thought you wanted me to be, I lost myself. I learned more in that period of my life than any time before that. It was a breakthrough. 

My friend also lost everything he felt made his life worth living. And with nothing left to lose, he was starting to feel better. He asked me about a song he wrote last week that now I’ll never hear. He seemed to be feeling better. I’m not sure exactly what happened that made him turnabout and make the other choice. And I don’t know where it all would’ve led for him, but I wish he could’ve had the opportunity to experience what I did. I hope I was a good friend. I tried to be. Wherever you are my friend, I will miss you. I forgive you. Walk forward in peace. 

Don Cornelius had all the best musical acts on Soul Train and I wanted to see them. I wasn’t aware of all the cultural barriers he was breaking or how much of a brave visionary he was. I just liked the show. I don’t know what happened with him either. I know nothing about Don or his life. But if he did in fact do this by his own hand, i’d guess that for whatever reason he lost hope. The possibility of tomorrow wasn’t worth enduring the pain of today. I wish you all the best, Don Cornelius. Thank you for making my weekends better and introducing me to so many great acts when I was so young. I hope tomorrow looks better from wherever you are. 

It's always the "great guy" or "great girl." It's rare that I get news that some miserable bastard took his own life. Maybe it's not newsworthy because in those cases no one truly cares. But it’s a crowded planet. More often than not I think there is more love out there for us than we know. We might reject it because it's not the love we're looking for, but it's there. As alone as we sometimes feel, we touch more people’s lives than we think. Famous or not.