OPERATION "CHANGE EVERYTHING" - Day 1

Wow. What a day. All that moving crazy stuff. Then a 5 1/2 hour drive. Now I'm in Big Sur and have no real home. Just me. All my belongings are in storage except for a couple bags, and 1 acoustic guitar that will accompany me in my coming travels.

6 days of moving. Movers. Taking things to friends. Donating to charity. What's the thing that got lost in the transition? BOTH of my camera batteries. Yes, I have 2. Because I'm as ridiculous as I am meticulous. It's true, they're almost identical, but I like having them both. One is a little easier to carry, and one is better to grow into.

So now I'm in Big Sur and have limited camera power juice. I wonder what else got lost...I can't seem to find my headphones either.

A calmness kind of came over me sometime after Santa Barbara on the way up. I don't know. Feels good though. My body hurts in places I didn't know I had places. And I'm free. Had this crazy dream about a silvery beautiful alien. All the patio furniture was spinning. That's a bit how it feels right now. Taking my life out of the inertia that was propelling me forward and placing myself on a new track. Although I suppose that's not entirely true. This has been coming for awhile. Nice to finally have the time to be now and not some unwieldy, untouchable future I can't grasp.

My album is finished, and we'll have them in hand in a few weeks. I saw the artwork proof today and it looks great. I'm excited. A lot of adventures coming up. Florida for a bit first to set things up, and then back to europe.

More and more synchronicities around all of this every day. I have to say, my life feels pretty remarkable right now.

EMBRACE YOUR OUTER GENIUS

If you've ever done anything creative, or want to, do yourself a favor and watch this. http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=1472

AMAZING TIMES...

Woke up this morning and realized I'm only here for 2 more weeks and then my life takes on a new chapter. I'll be living out of a bag for awhile. The artwork for the "No Apologies" cd is coming out great. I made everything by hand and some of the pieces look like they could hang in galleries to me. But I'm biased. I'm such a perfectionist, that by the time I finish anything, I tend to like my work. Until I go onto the next thing.

Then the new travels begin. I've decided to leap both feet into the unknown and I'm excited about it. I've changed everything else in my life, why not my living situation too? First Florida, then back to Europe. 

Something shifted for me this week. Not sure what. It feels good and happened overnight. I guess sometimes you do the work, thinking you're going nowhere, and then it clicks and we're forever changed. Amazing times....

A STEP AWAY FROM THE SLEEPWALK

Airports. I'm so fascinated by them, that I've actually become fascinated with my fascination. Why are they so interesting to me? People coming and going. Sure. I love to travel. Yes. Probably more than most people. So what? 

New sights. 

New scenery. 

New thoughts. 

New people.

But I don't know that it's just that. I'm reading this Eckhart Tolle book where he's talking about how much more conscious we tend to be when we're traveling or on vacation. The newness of everything keeps us present in a way that we turn off when things are familiar. Makes total sense to me. 

The book is a bit like hacking through the Amazon jungle with a machete. Not because it's a difficult read, but it's this succession of bite sized bits of good information all lined up for what seems like miles. 

But maybe that's it. Airports. Full of people outside their daily routines. Outside the safety and comfort zones, and all the joy, awkwardness and dis-ease that comes with that. It's beautiful to me. People at their best. And worst. Either way, somehow distanced from the sleepwalk. 

And at the airport, I get to be right there with them. 

On a completely different note, we finally got the final master of my cd. It came out great. The hard copy and downloadable versions should both be available in May. Exciting times....

SILENCE

So my doctor put me on 5 days' silence. Evidently I have an infection in my throat. He gave me some antibiotics, a pad and pen, and said "see you Tuesday". Nice. Today is day 2 of my oath of abstinence from the spoken word. 

Yesterday I did manage to mutter a few though...."1 lb of espresso forte please. Ground for a cone".....then a "yes" when asked if I wanted a complimentary cup of the brew for the day, which was actually more of a gesture than an actual word. And a quick "thank you" as I walked out. I had no coffee left in the morning and didn't want to use the pad for fresh beans. Just seemed like too much of a pain in the ass for such a quick exchange.

What's interesting to me is how quiet it seems here. Somehow the idea that I can't speak makes even my alone time seem more silent. Outside of the 10 minute coffee run, I didn't leave my place yesterday. Maybe I spend more time on the phone than I thought. It's amazing what bubbles up sitting by myself without it. Just me, my thoughts and this space. 

There's the productivity. The creativity. Without distractions, I was able to focus and work on 2 album cover ideas. I'm going to make a few and pick the one I like the best. Too much pressure for perfection if I only do one. I also came up with a couple ideas for another project I'm working on. More about that later. 

There's the "me" time. I watched a movie. Finished one of the 6 books on my nightstand I'm in the middle of, and started a new one that just came in the mail....

And then there's the stuff. All that I distract myself from addressing on a daily basis. The things I don't want to see, that I'm not particularly proud of. Those nuggets in my psyche that cause me fear and stress but live under the radar. I was greeted by a couple of those last night. Somehow the process never ends. But I know from experience now that I've got to look at that crap and learn what needs to be learned. There is always a deeper freedom on the other side. 

I have a sense that today will most likely bring more of the same. Some people say there are no accidents. I used to implicitly believe that. And in the end, I suppose I still do. But I see it from a different angle now. Some choices we make in our own best interest, and some we don't. But they are both our choices. No one else's. I believe the conscious universe helps us learn from either. 

MILESTONES AND TURNER CLASSICS

This week is a milestone for me. I finished the actual recording part of my album. 2 years of work just about finished. A couple of minor mix tweaks, mastering and some visual elements to suss out and that's it. Guess I'm a little nostalgic today looking back.

I had a close friend pass way in his sleep a few weeks ago. As much as I try to live my life without regrets, and I like to think of myself as immune to certain cliches, death does have a way of making us look at life. The first thing I wanted to do when I got over the shock was get on a plane and go back to Europe. That surprised me. I would've expected my reaction to call someone I love or something like that. But there's too much I haven't seen. I've been really focused since then.

In singing my final vocal last weekend, I was amazed at how easy it went. The incredible people I have to work with now. How easily I was able to get a performance compared to the studio nightmares I was having when I began this. Singing the Superfine stuff was easier in a way. These songs are much more expressive. I've worked hard to learn about creating the energy that comes so easily to me live in a studio environment.

These songs have taught me a lot. This process has taught me a lot. My whole life is different now from when I started. I'm different. Everything I had to learn in order to make this thing.

I found myself up at 2am a few nights ago watching Turner Movie Classics. One of the few channels that filters into my building for free. They replayed an interview with Katharine Hepburn on the Dick Cavitt show from the 70's. I suppose I'm late on this train, but she was amazing. Somehow in America, and maybe it's like this all over, but we get this idea that these iconic people magically just wind up that way. But the more I pay attention and the more I listen to the things they actually say, the more I realize why. They can say the smallest thing, but if I'm listening, it's a clue. We look up to them for a reason. And maybe that's why we try to pull them down too.

I'm grateful to be learning from the people that have gone before me and I'm celebrating today. I've accomplished something I couldn't have conceived of 3 years ago.

JESUS BROKE MY CAMERA

Jesus broke my camera! I took 3 pictures of this church and my it hasn't been able to focus since. Maybe one was enough, but I wanted to get it just right. I was marveling at whoever designed this entryway. They obviously knew that at a certain time of year, at a certain time of day, the sun would be perfectly behind Jesus' head. Artists are everywhere. Always.

That's pretty much how my whole vacation went. Wandering the streets of Europe. There's something about traveling by myself that is exciting and always lands me right in the flow of things. Everything works out. I find the places I need to see. Even mistakes or mishaps wind up being a blessing of some kind after the fact. In the past, I would come home from trips and all of that vision would disappear into my daily life of drudgery and struggle. This time I decided not to let that happen. So I'm really making an effort to see how maybe that same energy can be applied to my Los Angeles life. It's made a huge difference.

That stagnant plateau I had found myself on has dissolved under my feet and my life is moving again. I finally got introduced to a mixer that is getting the sound I've been hearing in my head. More on him later, but I'm excited. The album is about finished. I have a new perspective. I didn't listen to any of my stuff for 3 weeks while I was gone. I got home, gave a listen and it sounds good. Really good. I also came home with new ideas for some other creative endeavors that will tie into this album. I've started on those too.

Of all the places I saw on my trip, I'd say Paris and Madrid were my favorites. The european way of life is comfortable to me in a way that I've never experienced in America even though I'm from here...It was weird to feel more at home in a place I'd never seen, than the place I've spent my whole life in...but incredible. I've always felt like an outsider here. But not there.

Madrid isn't a place to visit. It's a place to bask in. And I'll be returning there as soon as that logistical door opens. I was fortunate to be introduced to someone there who was able to give me an amazing introduction to the city. I'm looking forward to going back and reconnecting. I have some work to finish here first. Then I'll put my crap in storage, pack a bag and go. And I guess I'll have to buy a new camera on the way :)

My days are full right now, and I feel good. I'm creating things I didn't think I could ever create. Doors are opening that I thought might never open. I think the most amazing thing is that I'm really seeing how consciously changing my mind, is physically changing the life around me.

Happy Xmasholidayseasonthingywhateveryoudo-or-dont-do. I hope 2009 is an incredible year for you! It's really a new beginning for the whole planet, and I'm pretty damn excited about it.