SILENCE

So my doctor put me on 5 days' silence. Evidently I have an infection in my throat. He gave me some antibiotics, a pad and pen, and said "see you Tuesday". Nice. Today is day 2 of my oath of abstinence from the spoken word. 

Yesterday I did manage to mutter a few though...."1 lb of espresso forte please. Ground for a cone".....then a "yes" when asked if I wanted a complimentary cup of the brew for the day, which was actually more of a gesture than an actual word. And a quick "thank you" as I walked out. I had no coffee left in the morning and didn't want to use the pad for fresh beans. Just seemed like too much of a pain in the ass for such a quick exchange.

What's interesting to me is how quiet it seems here. Somehow the idea that I can't speak makes even my alone time seem more silent. Outside of the 10 minute coffee run, I didn't leave my place yesterday. Maybe I spend more time on the phone than I thought. It's amazing what bubbles up sitting by myself without it. Just me, my thoughts and this space. 

There's the productivity. The creativity. Without distractions, I was able to focus and work on 2 album cover ideas. I'm going to make a few and pick the one I like the best. Too much pressure for perfection if I only do one. I also came up with a couple ideas for another project I'm working on. More about that later. 

There's the "me" time. I watched a movie. Finished one of the 6 books on my nightstand I'm in the middle of, and started a new one that just came in the mail....

And then there's the stuff. All that I distract myself from addressing on a daily basis. The things I don't want to see, that I'm not particularly proud of. Those nuggets in my psyche that cause me fear and stress but live under the radar. I was greeted by a couple of those last night. Somehow the process never ends. But I know from experience now that I've got to look at that crap and learn what needs to be learned. There is always a deeper freedom on the other side. 

I have a sense that today will most likely bring more of the same. Some people say there are no accidents. I used to implicitly believe that. And in the end, I suppose I still do. But I see it from a different angle now. Some choices we make in our own best interest, and some we don't. But they are both our choices. No one else's. I believe the conscious universe helps us learn from either. 

MILESTONES AND TURNER CLASSICS

This week is a milestone for me. I finished the actual recording part of my album. 2 years of work just about finished. A couple of minor mix tweaks, mastering and some visual elements to suss out and that's it. Guess I'm a little nostalgic today looking back.

I had a close friend pass way in his sleep a few weeks ago. As much as I try to live my life without regrets, and I like to think of myself as immune to certain cliches, death does have a way of making us look at life. The first thing I wanted to do when I got over the shock was get on a plane and go back to Europe. That surprised me. I would've expected my reaction to call someone I love or something like that. But there's too much I haven't seen. I've been really focused since then.

In singing my final vocal last weekend, I was amazed at how easy it went. The incredible people I have to work with now. How easily I was able to get a performance compared to the studio nightmares I was having when I began this. Singing the Superfine stuff was easier in a way. These songs are much more expressive. I've worked hard to learn about creating the energy that comes so easily to me live in a studio environment.

These songs have taught me a lot. This process has taught me a lot. My whole life is different now from when I started. I'm different. Everything I had to learn in order to make this thing.

I found myself up at 2am a few nights ago watching Turner Movie Classics. One of the few channels that filters into my building for free. They replayed an interview with Katharine Hepburn on the Dick Cavitt show from the 70's. I suppose I'm late on this train, but she was amazing. Somehow in America, and maybe it's like this all over, but we get this idea that these iconic people magically just wind up that way. But the more I pay attention and the more I listen to the things they actually say, the more I realize why. They can say the smallest thing, but if I'm listening, it's a clue. We look up to them for a reason. And maybe that's why we try to pull them down too.

I'm grateful to be learning from the people that have gone before me and I'm celebrating today. I've accomplished something I couldn't have conceived of 3 years ago.

JESUS BROKE MY CAMERA

Jesus broke my camera! I took 3 pictures of this church and my it hasn't been able to focus since. Maybe one was enough, but I wanted to get it just right. I was marveling at whoever designed this entryway. They obviously knew that at a certain time of year, at a certain time of day, the sun would be perfectly behind Jesus' head. Artists are everywhere. Always.

That's pretty much how my whole vacation went. Wandering the streets of Europe. There's something about traveling by myself that is exciting and always lands me right in the flow of things. Everything works out. I find the places I need to see. Even mistakes or mishaps wind up being a blessing of some kind after the fact. In the past, I would come home from trips and all of that vision would disappear into my daily life of drudgery and struggle. This time I decided not to let that happen. So I'm really making an effort to see how maybe that same energy can be applied to my Los Angeles life. It's made a huge difference.

That stagnant plateau I had found myself on has dissolved under my feet and my life is moving again. I finally got introduced to a mixer that is getting the sound I've been hearing in my head. More on him later, but I'm excited. The album is about finished. I have a new perspective. I didn't listen to any of my stuff for 3 weeks while I was gone. I got home, gave a listen and it sounds good. Really good. I also came home with new ideas for some other creative endeavors that will tie into this album. I've started on those too.

Of all the places I saw on my trip, I'd say Paris and Madrid were my favorites. The european way of life is comfortable to me in a way that I've never experienced in America even though I'm from here...It was weird to feel more at home in a place I'd never seen, than the place I've spent my whole life in...but incredible. I've always felt like an outsider here. But not there.

Madrid isn't a place to visit. It's a place to bask in. And I'll be returning there as soon as that logistical door opens. I was fortunate to be introduced to someone there who was able to give me an amazing introduction to the city. I'm looking forward to going back and reconnecting. I have some work to finish here first. Then I'll put my crap in storage, pack a bag and go. And I guess I'll have to buy a new camera on the way :)

My days are full right now, and I feel good. I'm creating things I didn't think I could ever create. Doors are opening that I thought might never open. I think the most amazing thing is that I'm really seeing how consciously changing my mind, is physically changing the life around me.

Happy Xmasholidayseasonthingywhateveryoudo-or-dont-do. I hope 2009 is an incredible year for you! It's really a new beginning for the whole planet, and I'm pretty damn excited about it.

va·ca·tion [vey-key-shuhn, vuh-] –noun
1. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday: Schoolchildren are on vacation now.
2. a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities of law courts, legislatures, etc., are suspended.
3. freedom or release from duty, business, or activity.
4. an act or instance of vacating.
–verb (used without object)
5. to take or have a vacation: to vacation in the Caribbean.

What a concept. When I get quiet it usually means I'm working day and night. And that certainly is a valid description of my last couple of months. The good news is my album, video and tv show are all coming out great. New doors are opening. Down side....I'm fried. Time for a break. Nonstop work with no balance makes Robbie a dull boy....so I'm off on adventure for the next few weeks to fill the well. I'm sure I'll have some good stories to share when I return. HAPPY OCTOBER!

So I'm back on an airplane, eating animal crackers I bought at the airport. This is fast becoming a new routine. When did they start selling them at Hudson News? I LOVE animal crackers. Just feeling that soft white string of a handle between my fingers warms me up inside. The only thing that's really changed, is nowadays there are like 40 different animals in there. Half of them are unrecognizable. You have to be an anthropologist to figure them out. The first 3 I pulled today seemed to be an ox of some kind with a serious rib problem. What could have happened? Did he get into scuffle at the Nabisco plant with the koala I just swallowed? There used to be just lions, tigers, gorillas, bears and rhinoceros. The basics. Now we've got 3 different monkeys, a sheep and an ox.

Everything changes. That's a cliched simple truth of life. And thank God it does. But what is it about a red box with circus animals on it, a waxy protective pouch inside and a string handle that makes me feel like everything is in its right place and going to be ok? That's a powerful cookie. Or a good childhood memory. There's just not enough of them. Either one.

How did these crackers get in the airport? I wish I was in that marketing meeting....they're talking about what junk foods to put in these stores and someone mentions the Barnum cookies. They all look at each other and go, "BRILLIANT!!!" It's definitely new. I would remember this. I fly a lot and haven't seen them until recently.

The orange juice cart just came by. It's like preschool in the sky. I've got my OJ and cookies. Nap time to follow at 0900. Fortunately for me, noticeably absent from today's class is the crippling fear and lack of social skills that plagued my first preschool experience. Being an adult has its perks.

They did a pretty cool cover story about some of the stuff we've been doing in Florida for the Gulf Coast Times...
http://www.gulfcoasttimes.net/

The 4th of July. An American classic. I like holidays. I was trained to like holidays. I didn't have to go to school. I got the day off. My friends all wanted to hang out. Holidays bum some people out. I think they're great. I don't like to get overly upset about the raping of each of their meaning. It's true. The meaning is pretty much gone. It's about fireworks and bbq's for most people now. But if it's just an excuse for people to relax and be together, I think there's still something good about that.

I took the day off, but couldn't bring myself to accept any of the invitations to the bbq's, etc. Lovely invites from beautiful minds, but I just didn't have it in me. Guess I'm tired from the album mixing and felt like keeping the day to myself. Sometimes that's the best thing we can do. I took a holiday from the holiday. Wound up going to see Hancock. I love movies alone. Today I thought I'd be the only one in there by myself, but I was wrong. I walked in 5 minutes before the movie started...it's the 4th, mind you....huge movie...and there's like 25 people in there, half sitting alone. I suddenly realized I wasn't alone at all. I had found my people. My brethren for the day! I love my life.

I'm also one of the fortunate souls to be living in a place where they light the city fireworks from our backyard. They literally pull the barge up in the water next to my building and light'em off. People come from all over. We get rained on by the ashes and our necks get sore from looking straight up. I'm still trying to get ash out of my left eye.

I usually like to name each of the fireworks as they're being shot off. "The Dangling Sperm", "Poppies From Mars", or "Shannonball".....but being that I was unaccompanied, and had no obligation to have a conversation, or even share my oohs and aaahhs, I decided to enhance the experience with my favorite Michael Nyman selections from the Gattaca soundtrack. If you ever find yourself with the opportunity to listen to that album during a fireworks show, I highly recommend it. And if you can time it to be listening to "The Arrival" during the finale, it just might bring a tear to your eye.

And if you live in London and think this holiday is ridiculous, I agree. It's totally ridiculous. I would suggest lighting some fireworks for no particular reason, however, and listen to that album. It'll still be spectacular. Guaranteed. Hope you had a great one.

Happy Holidays!